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Department of Intelligence Personnel

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This is a comprehensive list of known PPC agents working in the Department of Intelligence.

A note on team colour, cubicle numbers, and ranks: DoI agents are separated into one of six teams upon receiving their commission. They may be placed in Red, Blue, Green, Yellow, Purple, or Orange team and start off with the rank of Spy, 13th Class.

The cubicle number corresponds to the workstation they are assigned to when their team is placed in the Action division. Cubicles may serve up to ten spies, but the agents are rarely all in the cubicle at the same time due to the sheer volume of fanfic that needs investigating. Agents from different teams can share a cubicle.

All spies ranked Class 5 and above are considered senior staff and get first pick on the doughnuts that are delivered to the Hub every day. Theoretically, a higher rank is synonymous with a larger paycheck, but in reality, it’s just a symbol of prestige associated with service length.

DirectorEdit

The Sub RosaEdit

Main article: Sub Rosa

A sapient rose plant that is the head of the Department of Intelligence.

Senior StaffEdit

ArchiteuthisEdit

Architeuthis

"Let’s have a go at it!"

Main article: Architeuthis

Quite possibly Intel’s most famous agent, Architeuthis has worked extensively in the Lord of the Rings canon and is a contemporary of Jay and Acacia. Her never-say-die attitude coupled with her utter dedication to her job has earned her the totally cosmetic rank of Spy, First Class.

  • Age: 32
  • Species: Human
  • Home continuum: World One
  • Specializes in: LotR
  • Rank: 1st Class
  • Team: Red
  • Cubicle: 1937, Lothlórien Boulevard

ArdinEdit

  • Age: Unknown
  • Species: Unknown
  • Home continuum: Unknown
  • Specializes in: Redwall
  • Rank: 4th Class
  • Team: Orange
  • Cubicle: Unknown

Ardin is the long-suffering agent assigned primarily to scout out Redwall fics. Though Redwall is a relatively quiet continuum, his mind has occasionally come dangerously close to snapping due to the content much of his workload contains, as well as the fact that he was for a long while the only agent working in Mossflower. On one occasion, he came back from a scouting mission gibbering about "the horrible, horrible sparkles" and was out sick for some time, resulting in Agents Laburnum and Foxglove getting accidentally assigned to an unfiltered goodfic.

BulldogEdit

Bulldog

"Welcome aboard, rookie!"

Main article: Bulldog

Another well-known senior agent, Bulldog is most famous for temporarily losing his mind during an Intel run in a particularly horrible Harry Potter fic. He has fully recovered from this, and is currently the senior staff member in charge of welcoming and orienting new spies on the job. Incidentally, he is also a successful athlete, recently winning a gold medal in the men's shot put event in New Caledonia's track-and-field championships.  

  • Age: 39
  • Species: Human
  • Home continuum: World One
  • Specializes in: Harry Potter, LotR
  • Rank: 2nd Class
  • Team: Blue
  • Cubicle: 1998, Hogwarts Highway

CeepileetEdit

  • Age: Unknown
  • Species: Talking Mouse
  • Home continuum: Unknown
  • Specializes in: Unknown
  • Rank: 2nd Class
  • Team: Orange
  • Cubicle: 7447, Riven Road

Amber DashelEdit

Main article: Amber Dashel

Marianne DelacroixEdit

Patterson

"Case closed."

Affectionately known as “Gran” by everyone who knows her (except for her grandson, Gaspard, who goes for the full blown “Madame Delacroix” in an effort to appear more professional), this octogenarian agent still watches over her assigned Word Worlds with diligence. Her old age makes for the perfect disguise: who would guess the sweet little lady sipping her tea at the café across the street is secretly tallying up your offenses against canon? Chilling stuff.

  • Age: 85
  • Species: Human
  • Home continuum: World One
  • Specializes in: Sherlock Holmes (all renditions), Miss Marple series, Poirot series
  • Rank: 1st Class
  • Team: Green
  • Cubicle: 5294, Stupidity Lane

KyarisEdit

Main article: Kyaris
  • Age: Unknown
  • Species: Miniature hydra
  • Home continuum: Unknown
  • Specializes in: Doctor Who
  • Rank: 2nd Class
  • Team: Green
  • Cubicle: Unknown

MontyEdit

Main article: Monty

Monty is a goose. He likes flying, swimming in his pond, and eating little bits of bread that people keep throwing at him. He is also the head of the Covert Surveillance Unit sent to keep tabs on agents operating in World One cities. His team is composed of his three trusty pigeon friends Bob, Deirdre, and Tod.

  • Age: HONK HONK
  • Species: HONK
  • Home continuum: HONKY
  • Specializes in: HONKA HONKA
  • Rank: 4th Class
  • Team: Special unit
  • Cubicle: The Pond Across the Road, New Caledonia

Gauri NarainEdit

Main article: Gauri Narain
  • Age: 34
  • Species: Human
  • Home continuum: Marvel Comics, Earth-616
  • Specializes in: Various continua
  • Rank: 1st Class
  • Team: Unknown
  • Cubicle: Unknown

Keily ShinraEdit

Main article: Keily Shinra

TourmalineEdit

Main article: Tourmaline
  • Age: Unknown
  • Species: Unknown
  • Home continuum: Unknown
  • Specializes in: LotR
  • Rank: 5th Class
  • Team: Purple
  • Cubicle: 4107, Lothlórien Boulevard

VoltarmiEdit

Main article: Voltarmi
  • Age: Unknown
  • Species: Bronze Dragon
  • Home continuum: World of Warcraft
  • Specializes in: World of Warcraft
  • Rank: 3rd Class
  • Team: Unknown
  • Cubicle: Unknown

Junior StaffEdit

Nasir Shafiq BeydounEdit

Beydoun

"I need a cuppa."

Nasir is known for his grumpy attitude and his general dissatisfaction about the quality of tea in HQ. He is also the son of Shafiq and Sana Beydoun, the old couple who run Sana’s Café in New Caledonia. Nasir is the proud owner of Juliane, possibly the only Glaceon in Headquarters that understands Arabic. He's also an outstanding gamer and a perennial participant in the yearly All-HQ Major League Gaming Tournament. He secretly harbours a crush on his long-time co-worker Penny Chang.

  • Age: 28
  • Species: Human
  • Home continuum: World One
  • Specializes in: Pokémon, Half-Life universe, Myst, The Edge Chronicles
  • Rank: 10th Class
  • Team: Green
  • Cubicle: 5294, Stupidity Lane

Geoffrey "Jeeves" CarverEdit

Formerly known as just "Jeeves", Geoffrey hails from a BBC Sherlock Suefic as a man of many talents (of course he is; poor man was the bodyguard/teacher/guardian/feelings dump for the Sue until his faked death and recruitment by Eledhwen, Christianne, and their intern tag-along). He's in his late thirties, likes wearing ugly argyle sweaters and playing Cluedo, and is often seen with his colleague and fellow Sherlock recruitee Officer Rooney.

  • Age: 38
  • Species: Human
  • Home continuum: BBC Sherlock
  • Specialises in: BBC Sherlock
  • Rank: 13th Class
  • Team: Green
  • Cubicle: 221B Bakery Avenue

Penny ChangEdit

Chang

"Hell-OOOO!"

Penny is an upbeat, sociable, and slightly nosy person. She has the unnerving ability to pick up and spread amazingly accurate pieces of gossip, to the point where she actually works part-time as an information broker. She has a crush on her long-time co-worker Nasir Beydoun, but despite her normally extroverted personality she cannot bring herself to say it to his face.

Gaspard De GrasseEdit

DeGrasse

”Orders, sir?”

Main article: Gaspard De Grasse

A quiet and dutiful worker, so silent that most people even forget that he's around. Despite his slightly dopey appearance and mannerisms, he's very organized and is quick on the uptake. Rumour has it that he's part of a triple-stacked time loop and is trying to steer the Prime PPC timeline away from a cataclysmic future, but you don't really believe that, do you?

  • Age: 19
  • Species: Human
  • Home continuum: World One
  • Specializes in: Zelda, StarCraft, Half-Life universe, Metroid, Harry Potter, MLP G4
  • Rank: 13th Class
  • Team: Green
  • Cubicle: 5294, Stupidity Lane

Harris FrostEdit

Frost

"Yes, mister Bulldog."

If you took a lemming and a sheep and fused their minds together, you’d get a creature that would have a trillion times more common sense than Agent Frost. He’s got his heart in the right place, but for some reason everything seems to go wrong around him. That doesn't mean he doesn't try his best, though.

  • Age: 19
  • Species: Blockhead Human
  • Home continuum: World One-and-three-quarters
  • Specializes in: Troublemaking Artemis Fowl, Fire Emblem
  • Rank: 12th Class
  • Team: Orange (previously Green)
  • Cubicle: 1313 Lothlórien Boulevard

Angus MacFarlaneEdit

MacFarlane

"Get off my mini-fridge!"

If you called him the “jolly big guy” of cubicle 5294, you wouldn’t be far off from the truth (though you would have a potentially explosive argument on whether he is “big” or not). He is a friendly, easygoing guy that loves his root beer. He is a single parent, raising his only daughter Sophie after losing his wife to the Macrovirus Epidemic of 2008.

  • Age: 32
  • Species: Human
  • Home continuum: World One
  • Specializes in: Discworld, Doctor Who, Torchwood, MLP G4
  • Rank: 10th Class
  • Team: Green
  • Cubicle: 5294, Stupidity Lane

Yakov Nicolayevich MininEdit

Minin

"Let the sporking commence!"

For a recruit from a Harry Potter fanfic involving dancing house-elves and flying supersonic gastropods, Yakov is a pretty laid-back guy. He is notorious for handing his Action reports exactly five minutes late every day, sleeping through the Mary Sue invasion of 2008, and being the only person in HQ to have tanked three bottles of butterbeer without being sick. Despite being a rather average spellcaster, he makes up for it by being a Seer... or so he claims.

  • Age: 26
  • Species: Human (Wizard)
  • Home continuum: Harry Potter
  • Specializes in: Harry Potter, Redwall
  • Rank: 11th Class
  • Team: Green
  • Cubicle: 5294, Stupidity Lane

Officer RooneyEdit

Recruited from a Sherlock Suefic, Rooney is a ex-inspector for the Metropolitan Police. While he is middle-aged, overweight, patronising, and overdue for a desk job, his heart's ultimately in the right place and he will defend to the death those he sees as fighting for "the good guys." His first name is most likely Officer, and he seems to be a regular at Rudi's.

  • Age: 47
  • Species: Human
  • Home continuum: BBC Sherlock
  • Specialises in: BBC Sherlock, Lord of the Rings
  • Rank: 13th Class
  • Team: Green
  • Cubicle: 221B Bakery Avenue

Luisa San LorenzoEdit

SanLorenzo

"Who wants fried Sue?"

Aside from being the meanest chef in the DoI (quite literally: she yelled after Angus for a whole ten minutes after he had filched one of her steaks at the Green team picnic), she knows how to hunt, fish, and forage for food in a forest. If she’s feeling charitable, she might bring some snacks into the cubicle for others to enjoy but on the one condition that Angus and “his great big fat stomach” gets last pick. Naturally, the two don’t get along very well.

  • Age: 27
  • Species: Human
  • Home continuum: World One
  • Specializes in: LotR, Pirates of the Caribbean
  • Rank: 9th Class
  • Team: Green
  • Cubicle: 5294, Stupidity Lane

SnapshotEdit

Main article: Snapshot
  • Age: 24
  • Species: Unicorn Pony
  • Home continuum: My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic
  • Specializes in: Various continua
  • Rank: 13th Class
  • Team: Unknown
  • Cubicle: Unknown

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