Bleeprin

Bleeprin, which was invented by Meir Brin and TZA, is a medication often used by agents to soften the trauma of appalling badfic. Along with the original Bleeprin products, Bleepto-Dismal and Bleepka, it is manufactured by the mini-Aragogs of the Hogwarts Fanfiction Academy. It is made out of bleach, which gets rid of potentially scarring mental images, and aspirin, which deals with the headache.* It comes in the form of a round white pill about the size of a chickpea (or large normal pea).

* Please refrain from reminding the PPCers that this is chemically impossible. They already know that. They don't care. However, if you remind them, it may no longer work; then they will probably kill you.

Hazards

Bleeprin must not be mixed with anything alcoholic due to the explosive reaction between the two, though some agents with no particular attachment to their eyebrows have managed it (see PG2B2). It especially must not be mixed with any Stuffs, as the ensuing explosion could take out a wall.

Most "alcoholic" Bleeprin-derived beverages, such as Bleepka, are actually made with non-alcoholic alcohol substitute. Despite this fact, many agents have suffered drunkenness and hangovers after imbibing Bleeprin-derived beverages to excess. Some have speculated this is due to the power of the agent's personal beliefs; i.e., that they really, really wish to be drunk, and therefore really, really experience the effects.

It appears to be possible to overdose on Bleeprin, but this is exceedingly rare; only two known instances exist, and the effects were not consistent, so unknown extraneous factors may have been in play. When Paddlebrains downed Bleeprin as if it were candy during her training mission, she simply passed out, and Gypsy had to finish the mission alone; Pads presumably slept it off. However, when Thomas Greenwall consumed a large amount of Bleeprin over a short period of time, he experienced issues remembering basic information, names, and other things. The Medical Department was able to treat him and he (presumably) made a full recovery. Both cases are so far unique.

While many agents appear to be dependent on Bleeprin, they do not show the usual signs of drug addiction. The only effects of Bleeprin withdrawal appear to be the return of unpleasant memories and the completely justifiable irritability at being forced to suffer through them. If anyone IS truly addicted to Bleep-stuff, it is Agent Supernumerary, and even he can get along without it.

Avian, were-bird, and Time Lord agents cannot take it. Aspirin is lethal to Gallifreyans. Bleeprin simply wreaks havoc on avian respiratory systems. These agents use Suebuprofen instead.

Bleeprin Products

The following products are made from Bleeprin:

• Bleepbeer: Beer made using Bleeprin instead of water.
• Bleep-blaps: Bleeprin-based TicTacs. Created by Blu.
• Bleepesteem: A blueish liquid which is a combination of Bleeprin and Essence of Self-Esteem™. Its effect is to make you feel better about yourself while at the same time forgetting why you felt bad in the first place. Created by Huinesoron to stop Vemi turning invisible quite so often, and seen in Scene VI of the Playscripte.
• Bleepettes: Cigarettes containing Bleepto-Dismal-soaked shreds of cigarette paper, with or without tobacco. Created by Trojie and Pads.
  • El Olvidadizo: A brand of cigars containing the same ingredients as conventional Bleepettes. It is favored by agents who want to look like either anti-heroes or businessmen.
• Bleepka: A solution of Bleeprin dissolved in faux vodka or Bleepto-Dismal mixed with faux vodka.
  • Various cocktails can be made using Bleepka including:
    • Big Bleepy
    • Bleep-On-The-Beach
    • Bleep-On-The-Rocks
    • Bleep Shot
    • Bleeptini (all sorts)
    • Flaming Balrog
    • Flaming Denethor
    • Mind Eraser
    • Sonic Screwdriver (Bleepka and orange juice)
    • Talking Misspelled Monkey
    • Who-Who
• Bleepkass: A mixture of Bleeprin and kass, the latter being a tea-like beverage from the Firebird continuum. Invented by Agent Iskillion.
• Bleepnerds: Small rock candies made of Bleeprin and colored sugar. The candies come in glose, urple, and bleen, and were created by SpecstacularSC.
• Bleepocello: A mixture of Bleeprin and Limoncello (an alcoholic lemon drink). Invented by Agent Ally Malet.
• Bleepolate: Bleeprin and chocolate, for those who want their oblivion without the hangover. Originally formulated by Agent Jeanlily using Hershey's chocolate, later reinvented by Boarder Artic Blade.
  • Bleepolate milk: Bleeprin and chocolate syrup mixed with milk, for times when chewing may require more effort than an agent's traumatized brain can manage. Known to help alleviate the side-effects of temporal distortions. Created by Lily Winterwood after watching Men in Black 3.
  • NM&NMs: Bleepolate M&Ms that come in bleen, blello, urple, and wilver. These are created whenever someone types (nm) into the title line of a post containing no message on the Board, because the Board adds the (nm) automatically anyway.
  • Swiss Bleepolate: A higher-grade Bleepolate, made using Swiss Chocolate. Theoretically, the quality of the chocolate provides a distraction while the Bleeprin works. Introduced by DawnFire, who typically gives it out as a Welcome Gift on the Board.
• Bleeport: A synthetic, Bleeprin-laced fortified wine. According to Scapegrace, its creator, "you don't skull it; instead, one sips it slowly after dinner in the smoking-room while regaling one another with stories from the days of the Raj and comparing tips from each other's brokers."
  • Bleeport Agiorgitiko: A favorite of Agent Cupid, this variety of Bleeport has a characteristically spicy flavor with notes of plum.
• Bleepphene: Bleeprin and morphine; can only be given intravenously by a qualified professional. Probably invented by Neshomeh, but she's not sure and can't imagine why she would've spelled it that way.
• Bleeprum: Bleeprin mixed with rum—Jamaican rotgut, to be specific. Invented by Agent Entropy on International Talk Like A Pirate Day 2005. Popular in the Pirates of the Caribbean fandom. Sometimes found as a filling in chocolates.
• Bleepsinthe: Bleeprin mixed with faux absinthe. Use with caution. Comes in caffeinated variety, for overworked agents or those too afraid of badfic-induced nightmares to sleep.
• Bleeptea: Bleeprin mixed with tea made from carnivorous tea leaves from Desdendelle's home universe.
• Bleepto-Dismal: Diluted Bleeprin in liquid form.
• Bleepulan Ale: Bleeprin mixed with Romulan Ale. Restricted to the Department of WhatThe and agents coming from very bad fics indeed.
• Bleepuvor: Bleeprin mixed with miruvor. Overdose simply gives a ten-second vision of Elrond Peredhil saying to read the label next time.
• Bloffee: Bleeprin mixed with coffee, created by Newmoon and others.
  • Klatchian Bloffee: Bleeprin mixed with Klatchian coffee. Makes you knurd, but the bleach clears the memories of being drunk.
• Blumble: A mixture of Bleeprin and heavily-diluted scumble, created by Agent Diocletian in a moment of desperation. In order to distract and dilute the essential aura of Nanny Oggish alcoholic nastiness, Diocletian wound up using only one part scumble to three parts Holy Hangover Cure (© Unseen University, lest UU's legal department turn us into small mechanical chickens) and two parts codeine. The resulting mixture is known to bubble ominously and occasionally make *glook* sounds, but if you want to simultaneously get your mind wiped, become drunk, sober up, and fall comatose, there is no other mixture. Caused hallucinations in the SO.
• Pan Galactic Gargle Bleeprin Blaster: An extremely volatile mix of Bleeprin with the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, created by Agents Rez and Flip after weeks of experimentation and singed eyebrows. The recipe for PG2B2 can be had if you ask nicely, but use with care: overdose can cause permanent amnesia.

Sources

• "The Hogwarts Fanfiction Academy," Chapter 30
  • Bleeprin is first mentioned in HFA, along with Bleepto-Dismal and Bleepka.
• "Substance Menu" v. 2.0
  • Most of the older Bleeprin derivatives are described here.
• "To Know Where You Are Going" (alternative link) (Lord of the Rings), Agents Jay and Acacia (DMS)
  • Bleeprin is first used in the Original Series.
• "At the Sign of the Multiple Exclamation Points" (interlude), Agent Nenya Gabriel (DMO) with Doctor Freedenberg and Nurses Constance Sims, Nathonea Dewstan, and Suzine (FicPsych)
  • Nenya is introduced to Bleeprin during a stay in FicPsych. This story explicitly mentions Bleeprin's co-creators, Meir Brin and Miss Laurel (a.k.a. TZA).
• "Iriniel and Legolas" alternate ending (interlude), Agents Lothloriel Elhyn and Rowyn (DMS - PotC) and Agent Jeanlily (DMS - LotR)
  • Jeanlily finds just the right balance between Bleep and chocolate.