Coffee is a highly caffeinated beverage that may be enjoyed in a variety of different ways. Coffee is generally used to keep agents awake and counter the effects of hangovers and Rhum. It has also been noted that coffee tends to make the imbiber hyper.

Coffee also has the interesting capability of moving someone "forward in consciousness" (i.e., it makes you more focused). This is essential when one is trying to purposefully get somewhere in Headquarters and cannot distract themselves.

Coffee featured in the second Playscripte along with Rhum.

Coffee combined with Bleeprin is called Bloffee. Agents may also be able to get their hands on Klatchian Bloffee (Bleeprin and Klatchian coffee), which has the effects of making you knurd and erasing the memories of being drunk.

Coffee may be acquired primarily in the Cafeteria and the Coffee Lounge.