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Console

A console screen, glowing.

A console is a PPC agent's workstation, found in almost every response center.

Consoles are used to receive missions, send and receive messages, set disguises, and open portals. They also have the basic functions of the average personal computer.

The console is infamous for giving off a loud and shrill BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! whenever a new mission arrives.

Standard Components[]

Structure[]

Console-6-2222176 by Keily

Console model 6.2222176. Art by Keily.

The console is built into one wall of every Action response center. Its appearance varies per response center when it comes to the exact size and arrangement of its components. Some consoles recall the earliest wall-sized computing machines; others appear somewhat more modern, if still bulky and immobile.

There may or may not be space to either side of the console depending on the size of the RC. Jay and Acacia's console had just enough of a gap between the console and one wall for a person (e.g. Makes-Things) to hide in—but it was right next to a speaker, so Acacia never used it.[1]

They are physically wired to function per the specifications of a given department. If the agents in a particular response center switch departments, the console has to be rewired by someone from DoSAT.[2]

Computer Terminal[]

The main part of the console houses the plastic[3] screen (or screens—Jay and Acacia had one each[4]) where new missions and other messages appear. The display resembles that of an 80s computer.[5]

The terminal also includes a desktop and keyboard, with space below the desk for feet (or stashing gear, or hiding from one's partner).

Indicators & Peripherals[]

Console nesh

One (exaggerated) notion of a console.

There are various dials and indicators[6] around the console's computer screen, including lights that flash different colors for different alerts, and associated buttons below the lights.

  • Red: New mission alert (possibly assassination missions only) - press button to acknowledge the job
  • Green: Crossover alert/DIC coordination acknowledgement alert[7] - press button to receive message(s) from Untanglers[7]
  • Blue: Press button to acknowledge coordination linkup[7]
  • Unknown color: New message alert - press button to print message

Other built-in peripherals include speakers (whence come the ear-splitting mission alert BEEP!s), a CD/DVD slot, and a printer.

The BEEP![]

Main article: BEEP!

Mission alert BEEP!s are loud and annoying; it's the law. Although DoSAT can be threatened persuaded to lower the volume, a BEEP!'s volume will always increase if a mission is ignored. They have been known to be heard well outside of their response centers and to BEEP! in words (usually profane) should they be left unacknowledged long enough.[8]

If an agent happens to be playing music when an alert comes in, the alert takes precedence and will cut over the music.[9]

According to the Laws of Narrative Comedy, the probability of a console BEEP!ing increases in direct proportion to the amount of sleep its agent needs. Consequently, the console is vulnerable to heavy damage by fire, heavy metal objects, fists, or all of the above.

PunchGuardTM is sometimes used by DoSAT in an attempt to prevent damage to consoles, but its effectiveness varies.

Some consoles have been suspected of developing limited sentience, or at least a strong sense of self-preservation. A console with a history of violence inflicted upon it to get it to shut up may respond to vocal commands (i.e. shutting up when told if violence is threatened)[8][10] or actively modulate its own volume to avoid problems. This may be due to tinkering on DoSAT's part; if it is, though, they're not telling.

When receiving messages rather than missions, consoles will [Bing!] or [Bip!] instead of [BEEP!]. When a message is left unacknowledged, there will be a steady [Bip. Bip. Bip.] sound and a flashing "new message" light.

PPC-issue TARDIS consoles use the Cloister Bell instead of a beep.

Disguise and Portal Generators[]

Both the disguise generator and the portal generator are part of the console. There's a dedicated panel for setting disguises with the aide of a visual "skin," like in The Sims.

Other Functions[]

While consoles were clearly designed with missions in mind, they have other uses. Inter-Console Electronic Post is used for communication purposes, whether between agents, agent to Flower, or between Flowers. They also appear to have at least limited Internet access, and share a local area network. They can play music, movies, and games.

Personal Portable Console (discontinued)[]

Console-Personal-Portable by Keily

A Personal Portable Console. Art by Keily.

Console-scape amstrad-ppc-640

Another (understated) notion of a console.

The April 2006 edition of the Multiverse Monitor introduced the Personal Portable Console (PPC). It was described as the "newest in portable technology,"[11] but apparently it had already been discontinued by the time the issue ran. Since its weight was "2 metric tons," which is not "light" no matter what the diagram says, it would have been impossible for the average humanoid agent to use. Also, its Mini Subwoofer may have caused deafness, hemorrhage, and brain damage.[11]

Given the 2006 Monitor's loose relationship with facts, all of the above (up to and including the existence of this device) should be taken with a healthy portion of salt.

Modified Consoles[]

Some agents have modified their consoles to suit their tastes.

RC 999's console has a scaled-down replicator (TNG-era) as an additional segment next to the disguise generator.[12][13]

RC 2771a's console is barely recognizable as such thanks to Agent Mithiriel. It has a wooden housing that resembles a hand-carved sideboard and a keyboard with carved-oak keys,[14] with a panel that can swing open to reveal the mission read-out at the touch of a butterfly-shaped switch.[15] It's all obscured by lace-trimmed silk and tasteful flower arrangements.[14] Mithiriel also got it to play a delicate ripple of harp music instead of BEEP!ing as a mission alert,[14] but this modification didn't last.[15]

RC ∞'s console is modeled to resemble the Dark Mirror from the Twisted Wonderland continuum (itself resembling the Magic Mirror from Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs). It doesn't have a siren; instead, the BEEP! is read aloud by a scary-looking face appearing on the screen.[16][17]

Sources[]

References[]

  1. "Children of the Earth" by Jay and Acacia, March 20, 2002
  2. "Darkness Awakened" by Jay and Acacia, June 29, 2002
  3. "Laugh at the Moon" by Jay and Acacia, c. April 1, 2002
  4. "What Might Have Been" by Jay and Acacia, February 24, 2002
  5. "Lost Beloved" by AnyAmy, July 23, 2002
  6. "Sleepover!!! – A Girl Named Bob" by Meg Thornton, May 22, 2002
  7. 7.0 7.1 7.2 "Teddy Bear – Celeste" by Meg Thornton and Will, June 24, 2002
  8. 8.0 8.1 "The Maiden" by Jay and Acacia, c. June 1, 2002
  9. "No Way Back" by Jay and Thalia Weaver, c. August 2003
  10. "We Cannot Be" by Jay and Acacia, c. June 20, 2002
  11. 11.0 11.1 "The Personal Portable Console/PPC" by Keily, The Multiverse Monitor, April 2006
  12. "Ilraen's Journal" by Neshomeh, March 31, 2010
  13. "The Long Night of Agent Supernumerary" by Neshomeh, December 16, 2019
  14. 14.0 14.1 14.2 "Ring Child" by Neshomeh and Tungsten Monk, June 2, 2011
  15. 15.0 15.1 "Tough to Take" by Tungsten Monk, July 4, 2011
  16. "Of Elves and Sue Colours" by KnShirayuki, August 15, 2022
  17. "Of Weeaboos, Purple Prose and a Search Through HQ" by KnShirayuki, January 16, 2023
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