Department of Bad Slash
From PPC Wiki
| Department of Bad Slash | |
 | |
| Name: | Department of Bad Slash |
|---|---|
| Abbreviation: | DBS |
| Director: | The Queen Anne's Lace |
| Flash Patch: | A rubber ducky |
The Department of Bad Slash deals with badfic that involves poorly written slash. It is one of the oldest and yet still one of the smallest departments in the PPC. Agents employed by the DBS are exposed to mind-numbingly bad romance, erotica and biological aberrations on a daily basis, and consume vast amounts of mind-altering chemicals (see bleeprin) in order to deal with it. Add to this the fact that, as slashfiction more often than not does not involve original characters, there is precious little soothing homicide to be had, and it is understandable that Bad Slash is not the most popular beat amongst those drawn to the Canon Protection Initiative.
Agents of the Department of Bad Slash are usually called Bad Slashers, which occasionally causes confusion as the authors of the bad slash they combat are known as badslashers. In the event of this confusion occuring, members of the DBS may also be called Exorcists.
[edit] Known Agents
Lord of the Rings Division
- Agent Luxury (and possibly Agent Sean, who is MIA)
- Agents Tulath and Pablo Dretti
- Agents Kayleigh and Salamander.
Harry Potter Division
- Agent Dee and Agent Milask
Freelance
- Agents Trojanhorse and Paddlebrains
- Agents Michel Javert and Rouge
- Agents Dana Trent and Tarian Toran
- Agents Katie Cray and Gypsy
- Agents Oscar Henson and Iza
Other
- Agents Matsu and Reiar
- Agent Prosciuttino
- Agents SAVM and Sandra
[edit] History
The Department of Bad Slash was the fourth Action Department formed in the PPC, following the Department of Mary Sues, Department of Implausible Crossovers, and Despatch. At the time, it was run by the Gladiolus. During the Reorganisation, she departed with the Mysterious Somebody, and her place was taken by the Queen Anne's Lace (formerly of the Postal Department). When the decision was made to instate the Division of Bad Het, the Gladiolus was reinstated as its head.
[edit] Methods
In the Department of Bad Slash, slash authors are assumed to have possessed canon characters acting oddly. Thus the common method for correcting the work is to exorcise the spirit of the author ('author-wraith'). To this end all DBS Agents are equipped with whatever might be the appropriate interpretation of 'bell, book and candle' for their chosen universe. In Arda, for instance, a standard bell and candle are teamed with various volumes of the works of Tolkien. In Harry Potter, the book will be the most apt book of the series. In the event of exorcising the author-wraith from a non-fictional person, the book will be whatever works they are known for; for actors it will be recordings of their films, for musicians, copies of their albums.
Exorcisms are usually carried out with the standard 'Avaunt, all ye elementals!' and 'Get thee behind me!' vocabulary, and the phrase 'the power of TOLKIEN compels you!' (or ROWLING, or PIERCE, or SPIELBERG, insert-author-here) is generally used as the coup de grace. Author-wraiths may be captured in jars, but usually they will dissipate and take any geographical aberrations with them. Author-wraiths have been known to communicate with Agents. Chargelists are tailored to individual pairs of Agents and to each continuum. Bad Slash agents don't get to read out a grand list of charges before killing things; instead, a chargelist is filed at the end of each mission simply for the sake of keeping things in order. Thus, the chargelist doesn't always feature too heavily in the narratives of the DBS.
