|Department of Fictional Psychology|
|Director:||The Kudzu/Dr. Freedenberg|
|Flash Patch:||On a white field, five black exclamation points|
The Department of Fictional Psychology is dedicated to assisting canon characters (and more recently, agents) recover from the various forms of insanity that may afflict them. It is co-headed by the Kudzu and Doctor Freedenberg. Its staff are called nurses.
The Department of Fictional Psychology runs under the careful auspices of the Kudzu Vine. The responsibilities of Director are shared with Dr. Freedenberg, who, among other qualifications, has legs. The department bears the sign of the Multiple Exclamation Points, for, in the immortal words of Terry Pratchett, "What sort of person sits down and writes a maniacal laugh? And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head."
The department is located in Section 31. The entrance is a semi-circular anteroom with three hallways going off from the left-center, left, and right, with a nurses' station between the left-center and right-hand hallways. The halls lead to Units A, B, and C, respectively.
- Unit A houses both the primary ward for canon characters and the secondary ward for agents. This was not always the case. Originally, to ensure the upkeep of the PPC's minimal interaction policy, agents were obliged to take all their problems to the Medical Department (where canon characters were not taken except in dire emergencies). In early 2003 HST, Medical finally got sick of the endless and often deranged demands for Bleeprin and washed their hands of the matter. Shortly thereafter, the former Head of FicPsych, the Geranium, gave up its position. (It seems that even Flowers can have nervous breakdowns.) Both the primary and secondary wards are strictly outpatient. There is a small inpatient contingent, but because they are best kept in peaceful solitude, the location of their ward is need-to-know only.
- Unit B contains storage and other facilities, including the infamous No-Drool Videos in room B-9. "Storage" does indeed mean Bleeprin and similar products. It is extremely inadvisable to search for them, for they are quite well-guarded.
- Unit C holds offices and living space for FicPsych personnel. Rumors that the offices and living space are in any way separate are the product of overactive imaginations. Naturally, C-1 and C-2 are occupied by the Kudzu and Dr. Freedenberg, respectively. Unit C also contains communal bathrooms and showers, such as in a dormitory, and a nurses' lounge/break room with a kitchenette and mini-replicator.
FicPsych divides time into three shifts, roughly eight hours each depending on the day and who's counting. The morning shift begins at what some would arbitrarily consider 6:00 am and ends at 2:00 pm. The day shift runs from 2:00 pm to 10:00 pm. The night shift runs from 10:00 pm to 6:00 am. Of course, anyone is welcome to set their own clock to a different time if it makes them feel better about when they have to be awake, just as long as they work the shifts they're supposed to.
Known Personnel Edit
- The Kudzu Vine is mainly in charge of processing the department's traffic of agents and canons. Official documents require her signature, but she rarely interferes with the actual work of the department.
- Dr. Freedenberg is required to oversee the treatment of the FicPsych's patients, whether he works with them personally or not. He often takes an active role in the rehabilitation of recruits who come in severely traumatized. The doctor has his office in room C-2, which actually consists of an anteroom for dealing with patients and a separate work and living space beyond. The anteroom is bright egg-yolk yellow. His personal secretary is a Hooloovoo called Frank.
- Constance Sims worked in FicPsych in "At the Sign of the Multiple Exclamation Points" by Nenya. Then she transferred, got married, and retired.
- Jennifer Robinson is a full-time employee of the department. She mainly works with recruits and agents. She is also a healer, and can deal with minor to moderate wounds and afflictions.
- Leon Barker is a full-time employee of the department. His primary job is to kick out people who turn up just to try scoring free Bleeprin.
- Mirrad, formerly known only as "some idiot from the Department of Psychology," was given a passing mention in Jay and Acacia's 14th mission, "Sisterhood." He is the proud owner of one of Acacia's sandals. Being a Ranger, he's the only nurse with formal combat training.
- Nathonea Dewstan is a full-time employee of the department. She was assimilated by the Borg briefly and still has some Borg implants. She is the most sympathetic of the staff.
- Suzine Sachs is the Head Nurse. She is responsible for knowing what is going on where and with whom at any given time—no easy task.