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Department of Mary Sues

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Department of Mary Sues
PPC DMS flash patch

DMS flash patch

Abbreviation: DMS
Director: The Sunflower Official
Flash Patch: A potted cactus

The Department of Mary Sues is the subsection of the PPC that deals with finding, repairing the damage done by, and killing Mary Sues.

The head of this department is the Sunflower Official, and the flash patch is a potted cactus. Its agents are called assassins.

Description Edit

The directive of the DMS is to observe potential Mary Sues, assemble a charge list, and if the charges warrant it, assassinate the Sue. Other non-canon elements, such as bit characters and anachronistic technology or knowledge, may also need to be removed from the continuum, whether by assassination, recruitment, neuralyzation, or just pocketing them. Many agents take trophies or souvenirs from their missions, and others sell or trade their loot to each other or the various stores in Headquarters.

The DMS is the largest department in the PPC, but it has a fairly high turnover rate, mostly due to the inherent risks of bad writing and in confronting beings that, due to their speshulness, are often far more powerful than the agents themselves. Although the most powerful Mary Sues are (usually) handed to ESAS, the DMS on average faces the greatest number of Sues in direct confrontation.

Methods Edit

Assassins must stay hidden from their target(s) and the canon characters while they watch for (and snark at) charges. To that end, they employ any native stealth they possess and a disguise produced by their response center's disguise generator. So as not to further disrupt canon, the disguise must be something suitable to the continuum and preferably something that would canonically seek to kill a member of the Mary Sue's race or affiliation.[1] For instance, Orcs are popular disguises for the Lord of the Rings continuum, where many Mary Sues are Elves, Men, or Hobbits and may join the Fellowship of the Ring. It is also acceptable to choose a disguise that would canonically be found in the fic's setting,[2][3] more so in continua without fixed Good and Evil.

Before an assassination can take place, the continuum must be officially ruined, and the agents must formally charge their target.[1][4] This can be the most difficult and dangerous part of a mission. Although some Sues will stand still and listen out of confusion or curiosity, others will not, and these must be confronted and restrained so the charge list may be read. Many assassins are not fighters by nature, so popular strategies include ambush, distraction, trickery, or turning the Sue's nature against it. Mary Sues are often defeated not because their powers are insufficient to save them, but because they are too hung up on their own agenda to notice what the agents are up to. When that fails, though, non-fatal wounding or slow poison may suffice.

Torturing Mary Sues is expressly forbidden; however, the execution and disposal of Mary Sues may be done in creative, poetic, or ironic ways. Many examples can be seen on the list of assassination methods.

Special Equipment Edit

Usually, most DMS agents carry:

  • Weapons. Many weapons. To the point of collecting a vast arsenal. DMS agents are not referred to as assassins for nothing. Agents must be able to kill even a godmoding Sue and they are also only allowed to carry canon-appropriate weapons, which is one reason for the many divisions of the DMS. Strictly LotR agents, for example, are able to specialize in weapons appropriate to the setting without fear of being suddenly told to use a blaster rifle. Agents in the Video Game Division, or other divisions that cover many different canons, have no such luxury. Personalized weapons or weapons lifted from slain Mary Sues are especially prized once the glitter is rubbed off of them. Probably because they are especially shiny.
  • A remote activator to enable portal travel.
  • At least one Canon Analysis Device and one Character Analysis Device, or one of the combined varieties—usually whatever is in fresh stock. They have a tendency to break. If an agent carries only a Canon Analysis Device, it is wise for his/her partner to carry a Character Analysis Device. Some agents even carry backups.
  • A neuralyzer, to repair the memories and mindsets of canon characters that have been given knowledge or memories too damaging for the canon to self-correct when the Sue is slain. Particularly severe cases might have to be brought back to FicPsych if neither the canon's snapback or the neuralyzer does the trick.
  • Bleeprin or preferred substitute. Alcohol on-duty is highly discouraged.

Sometimes, DMS agents also carry:

  • A D.O.R.K.S, to change disguises on the fly—though if it's not needed on a mission it can be left in the RC and the disguise generator can be sufficient.
  • Reconnaissance equipment. Intel/DoI agents carry this, but it also can be useful to DMS agents who must keep their distance from their targets. For example, agents Jay and Acacia once used a pair of binoculars that could see through walls. Some agents may employ tracking devices to follow erratically moving targets, but the RA's "home in on Sue" function usually suffices.
  • Emergency communication. In case of, well... emergency.
  • Basic survival gear, such as food, a tent or bedroll, rope, etc.

Those last two things really ought to be standard, but nobody ever said the PPC had agent safety in mind.

History Edit

The DMS was one of the original departments of the PPC. It was a direct successor to the original Department of Exploration, founded at the same time as the Organisation.[5] Renamed as the Department of Action, it fell under the Poppy's leadership when the Weeds departed into the Cascade.[6]

Following the break-off of the DIC and DBS, the remainder of the Department of Action was relabelled as the Department of Mary Sues. The Poppy retained leadership, and from the time of its formation until the Reorganisation in 1999 HST, the head of the DMS was also the Deputy for Action.

Following the death of the Poppy in 1992, the Sunflower Official took over the leadership of the DMS, giving control of the PPC as a whole to the Mysterious Somebody.[7] Despite the various changes which have taken place since, the Sunflower still runs the DMS today.

The DMS tends to be on the front lines of HQ's defense in cases of invasion by hostile forces, as in the Reorganisation, the 2003 and 2008 Mary Sue Invasions, and the Crashing Down crisis.

Divisions Edit

Main article: Divisions of the DMS

The department has many divisions, including the large and famous Lord of the Rings/Tolkien Division. Other relatively large divisions include the following:

  • Anime/Manga Division
  • Freelance Division
  • Harry Potter Division
  • Video Games Division

Known Assassins Edit

Main article: Assassin

The PPC has a high turnover rate, and the DMS even more so. However, these assassins have distinguished themselves enough to be known to the general population, whether by their long service record, higher-than-average number of missions completed, or other particularly memorable actions.

  • Jay Thorntree and Acacia Byrd (RC F) are, of course, the most famousest of hobbits assassins. They were the first to publish their mission reports to the Internet, and they completed 26 missions between them, one of the highest counts on record.
  • Suicide, Diocletian, and Ithalond (RC #2771a) are well known for various reasons: Suicide is something of a PPC lust object, Ithalond is the recruit from "C*l*br**n," and Dio is known for having suffered from and/or faked Bursar Disease and gotten away with it. Su and Dio were also one of the teams assigned to the legendarily failed mission to Legendary Badfic "Subjugation."
  • Laburnum and Foxglove (RC #88) are known for their high squick tolerance, and also for PPCing the greater part of That Series. They also have the highest number of completed missions in the Freelance Division, and have gotten into the worst trouble for rule-breaking.

Department Records Edit

Mission reports for the DMS and its divisions are listed on the Complete List of PPC Fiction, Department of Mary Sues.

References Edit

  1. 1.0 1.1 "Rambling Band" (Lord of the Rings), Agents Jay and Acacia (DMS)
  2. "Why am I Here?" (Lord of the Rings), Agents Jay and Acacia (DMS)
  3. "Mithril" (Lord of the Rings), Agents Jay and Acacia (DMS)
  4. "More PPC Archival Stuff," PPC LiveJournal
  5. "Origins: Chapter 4", by Huinesoron
  6. "Origins: Chapter 8", by Huinesoron
  7. "Comprehensive History of the PPC" by Huinesoron

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