|Written by:||Tungsten Monk|
|Home Continuum:||Lord of the Rings|
|Division:||Lord of the Rings (nominally)|
|Fandom(s):||LotR; familiar with the major ones.|
|Favorite(s):||Innocent OCs trapped in Suefic|
|Weapon(s):||Sawed-off shotgun or, preferably, a morning star.|
Agent Diocletian Astreth works in the Department of Mary Sues. She was created by Tungsten Monk, and upon Tungsten's retirement was awarded into the custody of Neshomeh. Upon Tungsten's subsequent return, however, she was given back.
Agent Profile Edit
Diocletian has been described as short and chipmunk-like in appearance, with brown hair that is typically worn in a messy knot on top of the head. She sometimes wears glasses, although these are only for reading and often done without entirely, since they're very hard to keep track of while on missions. The most distinctive thing about her is the Sue-tracking bracelet worn around one ankle, which beeps and lights up when she is dangerously close to invoking Mary Sue powers.
In her Sue form, "De'anana Astrofaragothiel Shadowstar," alias Dea the Red, was described most purply in a manner that—when all was said and done—added up to brown hair and Caucasian features. By the time of her first PPC mission, she looked pretty much normal, thanks to a steady regimen of therapy and Logicillin.
Diocletian is cynical, sardonic, and preternaturally sneaky—at one point exaggerating her own insanity in order to get put into FicPsych for some time off. But as the years go by, some of the most vicious traits seem to be receding, likely as the result of a new personality establishing itself and the influence of her former Suvian self growing ever more faint. Though a great fan of violence, she's found herself taking on mediator roles, convincing her partner Suicide to make peace with agents he had previously offended.
As an ex-Sue, she has a soft spot for original characters trapped in bad stories. Diocletian and Suicide were the original team that rescued Professor Timbledim and Tadkeeta (later Agent Tadkeeta) from a godawful Narnia fic, acquiring at the same time a misspelled dragon with the unique name of Narnia No-Longerfled. She's also recently adopted Bad End, a super-sized bad (an unusual type of creature first found in the Original Series mission "No Way Back") and is taking suggestions for new names.
Her origin has also informed her attitude towards the job: though not a stellar agent, she attempts to stick to the rules and get everything as right as possible. Doing an excellent and efficient job killing Sues is one more thing that she hopes will make her un-Sueish.
Agent History Edit
Diocletian was created as an LotR Sue whose overlong name will not be used more than once in this article. She was an uncanonical daughter of the Witch-King, and usurped Éowyn's role on the battlefield in order to win the love of Legolas. An overall high quality of writing and respect for Gimli just barely balanced her charge sheet, leaving the PPC agents who worked her case with the possibility of recruiting her rather than killing her.
She spent several months in Sue rehabilitation and is considered stable, although like all ex-Sues, her problem sometimes resurfaces. Her laundry list of personality issues and occasionally fluctuating biology led to her being partnered with Agent Suicide in the Department of Mary Sues, who was equally troublesome. Rumor has it that the Sunflower Official did it in the hopes that they would kill each other.
Following a mission to Narnia, she faked insanity by pouring Blumble into the Sunflower Official's fertilizer. The charade was discovered when she and Suicide were sent into "Subjugation," a fic from which they vanished in mid-mission. Four years later, they turned up in hiding in Azeroth, and were shamed into coming back to the PPC.
Mission Reports Edit
Home: Response Center #2771a
Partnered with Suicide Edit
- "Ranariel, Elf Ranger of the North" (Lord of the Rings)
- In which we meet Agent Suicide and Agent Diocletian, Department of Mary Sues, and discover that Moria can be more fun than it sounds.
- "Of Sar-Plasm, Sue Pies, and Other Affairs of the Organs" (Narnia)
- "Subjugation" (Harry Potter)
- Things like this shouldn't exist, but they do. A hermaphrodite Snape is raped by Evil!Lustful!Dumbledore, impregnated, and forced to marry him. A frustrated Suicide is assigned by the Sunflower Official, depressed, and forced to carry no weapon. Meanwhile, his former partner Diocletian is reinstated, but still not entirely cured of her insanity. Do we honestly think this is going to turn out well?
- Incomplete; the mission was truncated when she and her partner snapped and rabbitted.
- "Ring Child" (Lord of the Rings x Harry Potter), with Agents Nume and Ilraen (DIC)
- In which Suicide and Diocletian come along for "evaluation" and Nume says the F-word a lot.
- "Tough to Take" (G.I. Joe)
- "The OOCest Teacher We Could Hope For" (My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic), with Agents Éowine and Steormægð (DF)
- In which Cheerilee is replaced by a psycho killer, and Suicide and Dio are sent to Equestria with two Rohirric newbies.