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Elessario was the true name of a Blaise Zabini-replacing Mary Sue in a Harry Potter/Lord of the Rings/Sandman crossover.

Character History Edit

Elessario allegedly started out life as Blaise Zabini. Since her fic was written before the publication of Half-Blood Prince, the fact that she was not a black boy could be excusable. However, her behaviour and lineage was not excusable; she whined ostentatiously about being in Slytherin, yet was excessively cheerful in all other arenas. It turned out that Elessario was her true elven name, as her father (who had pretended to be her grandfather and allowed her to be raised by her sister because of the circumstances of her birth) was secretly Legolas. Her mother, however, was the personification of Death, from the Sandman continuum. She also made Draco Malfoy severely OOC, had a disgustingly cutesy Cute Animal Friend, and generally annoyed the agents a lot.

ChargesEdit

Elessario was charged with "being a Mary Sue; impersonating a canon character really badly; changing the gender of said canon character without cause, abusing the Sorting Hat; being related to Legolas – who does not exist in this bloody continuum, you stupid Orlie fangirl; being an elf in a world which does not contain any unless you count house-elves; using ‘bleep’ instead of swearing; using only the first two letters of a curse word; whining about being put in Slytherin; wishing to give Draco the credit for defeating Voldemort even though Draco is a Death Eater in training and thus would not WANT Voldemort to be defeated; giving Pansy Parkinson a stupid and noncanonical middle name; bashing Pansy; using emoticons and non-words in prose; claiming that ‘Muggle’ is not the correct word [...] being better at Potions than Professor Snape; not even attempting to Britpick or research simple things about your own fandoms; having noncanonical Suvian powers; using mid-sentence author’s notes to describe things that could be made perfectly clear in the prose; making various characters out of character, most notably Legolas, Draco and Ginny; being in contact with the ghost of Haldir; calling said ghost Hal; misrepresenting the Elves of Middle-earth, i.e. making Legolas father a child out of wedlock, which Tolkien’s Elves do not do; misrepresenting the Endless; being the daughter of Death’s mortal form [...] starring in a soap-opera-come-sitcom featuring the Endless; being related to an Endless for no apparent reason other than to make you look cool; using pointless and uncanonical fangirl Japanese; using the murder of your foster mother – your sister – your . . . your family member as a plot device and then forgetting about it; ignoring elven growth rates – Tolkien’s elves mature at fifty, if you’re sixteen you’d still look about five; being a sixteen-year-old who acts like a drunken five-year-old; being a pureblood Slytherin who acts like a Muggle-born Hufflepuff; having a Really-Sickeningly-Cute Animal Friend; trying to shorten Delight to ‘Dellai’; making non-anime characters ‘sweatdrop’; giving characters non-canonical nicknames, eg calling Draco Ferret; not knowing the difference between a rodent and a mustelid; getting Ginevra Weasley's name wrong; writing a whole paragraph describing your hairstyle; actually announcing that you are ignoring the whole of Book Five; making the Weasleys part elf; making Professor Flitwick part elf and possibly part hobbit; displaying extreme stupidity; causing canon characters to act stupidly; causing events to eventuate solely for your own benefit; mangling at least two fandoms; using mid-chapter time and point-of-view shifts; using huge great chunks of unnecessary author's notes at the beginning and middle and end of EVERY BLOODY CHAPTER; confusing PPC agents, irritating PPC agents and forcing us to sit through this excuse for a story when it’s been a long day and we’ve had enough. I’m sure there are more charges, but we lost track."

Character Death Edit

Laburnum and Foxglove started early with their notoriously gory execution methods; they put Blaise/Elessario under a Body-Bind Curse, soaked her in Butterbeer, and left her for the Flesh-Eating Slugs. Her kitten, Dellai, was deemed too sickeningly cutesy to save and fed to Laburnum's mini-Deepcoiler Marile.

LinksEdit

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