"Oh, I'm all sunshine and rainbows! Yeah, I'm one prancing pastel pony!"
Rayner Bowerman Blitzkrieg is an agent in the Department of Mary Sues. He is written by SkarmorySilver.
Agent Profile[]
Appearance[]
Unlike other agents from his home continuum, Rayner is one of the subjects of the anthropomorphization/gijinka trend, which presents the a non-human character with a human appearance. In this case, he is essentially a genderbent, humanized version of Rainbow Dash, but with personalized characteristics. He is quite short for his age, at only 4'8", but muscular and athletic (You don't clear clouds as a day job without giving your abs a really good workout), with long arms and big feet. He wears his hair in a mullet, with a warmer red/orange/yellow front and a cooler green/blue/purple party-style in the back; his hair is also usually framed with a pair of blue pilot's goggles which he always wears in flight. His cutie mark, which is the same as Rainbow Dash's because he is derived from her, is located on his left cheek.
Blitz frequently wears aviator's clothing, such as two different jackets (light blue with white sleeves for general use, darker Wonderbolts blue for heavy duty missions). His jeans have several rips, and his shoes are blue and white with blue wings sprouting Hermes-style from the heels. He also wears a rainbow-colored scarf, which doubles as a convenient napkin for when his face gets messy.
Unlike other pony-based characters, Rayner is a passionate carnivore, courtesy of his homefic, and his dentition reflects that fact; his incisors are pointed and interlocking, and long canines are perfect for ripping out the throats of Mary Sues. He will prefer carnivorous disguises in non-human settings, and if disguised as a pony in his home continuum, he will always have the same arrangement of predator teeth.
Powers[]
Rayner is based on a pegasus, specifically a genderbent version of Rainbow Dash, but he does not have any of the powers that correspond to the character in question. He is, however, fairly athletic, and a skilled close-combat fighter as well. This typically doesn't help against Sues who are often much better at fighting than he is, however, and more often than not, he will be on the losing side if he faces off against a Sue head-on; numerous instances of such beatdowns have given him a high pain tolerance and a determination to win, but it often doesn't amount to much without outside help. The humanized pegasus is fully aware of this and often employs himself as a diversion, or at least as a punching bag for the Sue, while his partner does the dirty work.
The biggest weakness Rayner has is his basal, predatory instinct, which is triggered by the smell of bodily glitter. This can provoke him into attacking prematurely, which can cause him serious injury by underestimating the Sue that provoked him. He has to keep assassinations extremely clean and efficient for precisely this reason, and has actively worked to dislike the taste of blood, so as to avoid the risk of an uncontrollable feeding frenzy.
Personality[]
Despite being a humanized version of Rainbow Dash, Rayner has only faint traces of her personality because of his history. His history has inflicted deep, hidden mental scars that he tries to conceal with a hardheaded, impulsive demeanor. Prior to the death of his previous partner, he was so intent on making a name for himself among the DMS that he took on any assignment given to him, even bleepfic, without question. This ambition was crippled by one very unfortunate mission (see the History section), and his motivation changed afterward from "becoming the best assassin" to "killing every single Mary Sue in the multiverse." This change may have stemmed from the fact that he cared for his partner very much prior to his death, and he is quick to lash out at those who trivialize it even accidentally. He is also very self-conscious, even more so than before his loss, and dislikes having his faults pointed out to him even by his own allies.
Because of his history, Rayner suffers from an unfortunate condition referred to as "bloodlust." Unlike other ponies or pony-based characters, he is extremely partial towards the flesh of other creatures, especially Suvian ones. This has escalated throughout his career into the tendency to go into a wild, berserk frenzy if anyone sheds so much as a single drop of glitter in his immediate vicinity. He has taken intense physical therapy to alleviate this effect and is on permanent prescription meds against it; other MLP agents have also tried to wean him off on carrots and apples, but so far, it hasn't helped. Rayner is very afraid of having his bloodlust activate at the wrong time, because once he enters this mentality, it is difficult for him to stop. Even in a normal state, his passionate resolve and lack of self-control can get him into trouble—when affected by his bloodlust, physical restraint is often the only way to keep him from hurting himself.
Agent History[]
Cupcakes and yaoi... two things that should never go together, ever. Why a twisted young author would ever come up with such a combination will never be certain, but what is known is that because said author received heavy criticism due to his arrogant, selfish behavior, he decided to never let his AU retelling of the infamous badfic see the light of day, and thank Celestia for that. As such, Rayner was transported by plot hole to the PPC, where he was promptly assigned to the DMS.
Things were relatively normal, or at least as normal as a career in the PPC could get, until April 2014. Rayner and his partner, a Charizard gijinka named Nicholas, had always had a hunger for adventure that kept them alive throughout all the badfics they braved—that is, until they were tasked with disposing of a horrifying bleepfic involving an extremely violent Character Replacement. Only one of them made it out alive, and even so, Rayner had to spend two months in Medical after a rescue attempt on the part of the DIA went horribly wrong. Partner-less and devastated, Rayner began developing a hunger of a different kind... a hunger for the flesh of Sues, and for vengeance.
His life would change again during his first mission upon being released from Medical, when his battle with the Sue-wraith he was tasked with assassinating did not quite go to plan...
Timeline[]
All dates are given in HQ Standard Time.
- 2012
- Joins the PPC and is partnered with Nicholas Abbey. Later meets Lapis Lazuli when she lands in HQ.
- 2014
- April
- Attempts to mission Sweet Apple Massacre, but loses his partner and very nearly his life. Is brought into Medical, where he remains in a four-month coma.
- Late August
- Reawakens and recovers from the SAM fiasco, physically if not emotionally.
- Is put on Duty for the first time since SAM. Yeah, this'll end well.
- First recorded mission. Is partnered and reluctantly mind-linked with Evangeline von Lilith.
- October 25
- 2015
- January 1
- Takes part in the first annual New Year's Gift Exchange.
- February 10
- Second recorded mission. Disapproves a little of E.V.L.'s decision to recruit Salvo, but lets him join anyway.
- February 22
- July 21
- Fourth recorded mission. Meets and befriends Valon Vance, Kala Jeng, and Chakkik.
- July 27
- August 10
- Sixth recorded mission. Agents Feratu and Brenda tag along for training purposes.
- Seventh recorded mission. Also introducing Binary.
- August 30
- Eighth recorded mission, wherein Lapis decides to tag along.
- Mid-December
- 2016
- January 1
- Takes part in the second annual New Year's Gift Exchange.
- May 17
- Participates in an impromptu Karaoke night.
- August 31
- Gets the short end of the stick (63rd place, to be precise) in the PPC Hunger Games, Season 4.
- Early 2020s
- Transfers to Bad Slash.
- 2036
Mission Logs[]
Home: RC 133,316,666
Partnered with E.V.L.[]
- Prologue: "When Good Banishments Go Bad"
- In which an agent from the DMS makes a big mistake, and everything goes to Hell. Literally.
- Mission One: "Enemy Mine"
- In which opposites don't quite attract—but still settle their differences in the face of a common cause.
- Original fanfic: "Let Rise a New Alicorn" (My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic)
- Mission Two: "Little Green Mobs"
- In which the agents get the jump on a loyalty-challenged Warrior!Sue and make a surprising new friend.
- Original fic: "Creeper H" (Minecraft)
- Mission Three: "Zero-Sum Game"
- In which Rayner restocks his fridge.
- Original fic: "Game of Chance" (The Hunger Games)
- Interlude One: "All's Well That Ends Well" (in-progress)
- Mission Four: "Attack on Badfic," with Valon Vance and Kala Jeng (DF) and Chakkik (DMS)
- In which the Survey Corps gets an unwelcome new rookie.
- Original fic: "Wings of Freedom" (Attack on Titan)
- Mission Five: "For Need of a Thneed"
- In which a creativity-deprived Sue pushes everybody's buttons.
- Original fic: "Frozen Love" (The Lorax)
- Mission Six: "Love Thy Neighbor," with Agents Feratu and Brenda (DMS)
- In which two horses and two vampires pay a visit to Rhovanion.
- Original fanfic: "An Iceling In Mirkwood" (The Hobbit)
- Mission Seven: "Artificial Stupidity"
- In which the agents take their job title literally, aided by a C-CAD with a mind of its own.
- Original fanfic: "Awakening" (The Matrix)
- Mission Eight: "Earth, Wind, and Ire," with Agent Lapis Lazuli (DIC)
- In which Bring Your Kid To Work Day doesn't go quite as planned.
- Original fanfic: "Avatar: The Legend of Keyx Book 1: Earth" (Avatar: The Last Airbender)
- Mission Nine: "You've Had Quite Enough," with Agent Chakkik (DMS) (pending, co-write with Voyd)
- In which Rayner's evening plans go up in smoke... twice.
- Original fanfic: "The Lost Air Nomad: Water" (Avatar: The Last Airbender)
- Note: E.V.L. does not appear in this mission.
Other Appearances[]
- "Scarlet Disgrace" - Does not directly appear, but is mentioned.
- "Suppertime Stories" - In which Falchion makes a wrong turn and some new friends.
- "Ten Years Hence: Adventures in Squid-Sitting" - Cameos as an unseen voice on Lapis' and Falchion's phones.
- "Illogic Bomb," with Agent Velociripper (DF)