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Smite

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To smite something is to strike it with powerful force, whether physically (as with a bolt of lightning weapon) or metaphorically (as with love). Forms of the word are smiting, smote, and smitten.

The PPC Sue-Smiting Ceremony Edit

The PPC Smiting Ceremony is a thing of beauty. It occurs when a female PPC member is ready for initiation. According to the PPC Handbook, the ritual is carried out in this manner:

One time, and one time only shall the Sacred Book of Rites be opened for all to see. If at any time the prospective agent chooses to turn back, she is grabbed by the scruff of the neck and tossed back in.

To ensure that the new agent is prepared, she is given a short time for last words and prayer. Some initiates choose to invoke the power of various gods in order to give them strength. Typical sutras include "Oh Dear Eru" and the Dead Sue Sutra as transcribed below.

I will kill the Sue.
I will protect Canon.
But only after I have completed the charge list
And charged the Sue
Shall I kill her.
Grant me strength,
Mighty Tolkien,
That I may destroy
This abomination of your most holy work.

Her mind must then be proven completely insane by passing through the Halls of Doom and facing therein a bored Kender, a Gibbering Mouther, her worst fear, and Tom Bombadil's poetry recital.

Upon her exit from the Halls of Doom, she proceeds to the final trial. She must capture a live specimen of the Warrior Sue breed (Homo perfectatus milites) for the final sacrifice.

Once the sacrifice is secured, all agents present gather for the victory parade with their Minis and partners. Often strange chants and body paint are employed in decoration for the victory party. One agent has been known to wear the blue skin of a unicorn in this tribal ritual. A large bonfire is lit by the DOGA clan and the Cactus clan prepares the altar for the Sueish Sacrifice.

The Sue is bound and gagged and led to the glitter-stained altar, whereupon she is sacrificed by use of canonical material. A passage from the world she has defiled is shown to her, and she explodes in a kaleidoscope of glittery sparkles as the gathered agents cheer.

After this, there is much feasting and rejoicing as the gathered clans welcome a new member to the tribe. The new member is showered with gifts of a bottle of a strange substance called "Bleeprin" by the natives, and various other gifts including cough drops, pineapples, bacon, bumper-stickers, and beads. This celebration lasts for only a short time, because not long after...

[BEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPP]

-NenyaQuende

Although many smiting ceremonies have taken place, only one has been recorded in a mission log (see below). All who participated agreed that this was a highly enjoyable process... except for the Sue, of course.

Sue-Smiting Links Edit

Initiation Rites in the PPC Handbook

Miiro's Initiation (Alternate Link)

Smiting the Enter Key Edit

The PPC message board is formatted in such a way that when writing up a reply or a topic, an accidental touch of the "enter" key can lead to posting before one is ready. Such posts are often empty, containing only titles. When this happens, it is traditional to smite the enter key in order to let fellow Boarders know that this wasn't simple carelessness.

Smiting the Infidel Edit

In the era of Greyladybast, Araeph was the PPC infidel. In order to smite her, one can utilize one of three methods:

Cunning Arguments

Just Plain Lightning

Giant Cat Attack

Araeph has suffered many smitings over the course of her years in the PPC, but don't worry: she recovers quickly.

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