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Springfield (Mary Sue)

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Springfield was a Lord of the Rings Mary Sue by an author who had not even seen the movies. She was slain by Agents Suicide and Ithalond of the DMS.

Character History Edit

Springfield was an Elf named after the city of Springfield, Illinois, by her mother, Yolanda. Her father traveled extensively between Middle-earth and the "real world." She had "long brown curly hair and the most beautiful blue eyes anyone has ever seen!" Those three sentences alone contain enough temporal-spatial and cultural offenses to set the average agent's weapon-hand to twitching, but there's more:

She turned Mirkwood into the Emerald City and forced the local Elves to go around wearing green goggles. She also claimed that Captain Jack Sparrow lived there. Her Lust Object was Legolas, whom she caused to be twenty-four years old in blatant disregard of the fact that this would make him barely old enough to cross the street by himself according to real Elvish standards.

That was about when Agent Ithalond snapped, forcing Suicide to restrain him. Fortunately, that was also when the story was deleted.

Character Demise Edit

As her story was being deleted, Agents Suicide and Ithalond got her out of there as fast as possible. After subduing the frothing Elvish agent and charging Springfield, Suicide portalled her deep inside the Springfield Tire Fire in The Simpsons.

Links Edit

  • The badfic: "The Chief and Capital" was deleted, in case you didn't catch that.

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