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Sue!Arwen

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Sue!ArwenPPC

Sue!Arwen was an Arwen Replacement Sue slain by Agents Jay and Acacia. She appeared in a Lord of the Rings badfic. The mission to the fic was notable for containing the first known use of Bleeprin by PPC agents, and the longest known charge list (by word count) ever read by Jay and Acacia.

Character History Edit

After Celebrían left, Elrond became depressed and started to drink and cut himself. Inexplicably seven-year-old Sue!Arwen was just about to be raped by her father when the agents stepped in.

Charges Edit

Sue!Arwen was charged with "Causing personality alterations and character ruptures. Causing an improbable and downright revolting sexual liaison between Lord Elrond and his seven-year-old daughter. Causing Elrond to act like a lovestruck fool over his seven-year-old daughter. Causing a canon member of the Free Peoples of Middle-earth to sexually abuse his child—you DO realize that a seven-year-old would be roughly the equivalent of a baby of one year or so, in elven terms? Changing the social conventions and structures of a canonical society—elves do not rape or sexually abuse other elves! Tolkien said so. If little Arwen HAD been sexually abused, she probably would have died of shame. Oh, and by the way, whomever the elf has sex with becomes his or her spouse. Permanently. That's why elves don't have affairs, before or after they get married. And marriage lasts for eternity, unless the one who dies and goes to Mandos' Halls gives up all chance of rebirth. So aside from all the other wrongness, if Elrond had sex with Arwen, he'd be marrying his daughter, which, aside from being squicky, is impossible because Celebrían is still alive!

"Also ... Arwen Undómiel was born in the Third Age, in the year 241, and Celebrían didn't pass over the Sea until the Third Age, 2510, so Arwen was a long way from being seven years old when her mother left.

"Which brings me to two OTHER charges, namely causing time compression and changing timelines or characters' ages without cause ... not to mention causing events to eventuate solely for the benefit of the original character without regard to canon plotlines ... employing melodramatics ... causing canon characters to behave in an OOC manner ... messing with Elrond ... and for being a supremely sluttish and disgusting Mary Sue."

Character Demise Edit

After struggling to restrain Elrond, Jay, Acacia, and Luxury proceeded with an exorcism. The Suething possessing Elrond turned out to be so strong that it actually threw Luxury into a wall. Rather than disappearing as most wraiths do, it had to be hit by Jay's flying copy of The Silmarillion and stabbed repeatedly by Acacia before it would disperse.

The canonical Arwen was retrieved from the plothole in which Elrond had been storing his booze. Jay hit Sue!Arwen over the head with a bottle of badly-described alcohol, whereupon she transformed back into her true Sueish form.

The agents opened a portal to Discworld and turned the Sue over to the Discworld elves, who are "the epitome of the cruel, sadistic, vicious bringers of pain, terror and insanity that the Fair Folk had been throughout most of human history."

Jay and Acacia got in trouble with Upstairs for leaving the Sue alive rather than killing her. It can be assumed that they felt it was worth it; and anyway, they had known the elves would kill the Sue... eventually.

Mission Report Edit

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