Part V of the Things I Am Not Allowed to Do at the PPC List, comprising entries 324-364.
324. I will not spray the Flowers with Agent Orange.
- Nor Trihexalophine1138.
- Nor any other defoliant.
- Not even the Bracket Fungus.
325. I will not enchant Acme products to work.
326. I am not Rose Potter.
- Nor a relative of her, or her future self or one of her druidesses.
327. I will not assimilate another agent.
328. I will not try to unite the Deathly Hallows.
329. Cracking the Medical Department's d-base is forbidden.
- Especially for use in the Secrets room.
330. I will not swap Grand Admiral Thrawn with Major General Stanley.
331. I will not set the militant Bahro loose in HQ.
332. Am not allowed to use pictures of Rose Potter as threats to get more Bleeprin.
333. Despite being able to take any form, I will refrain from taking any form that will render me truly insane.
- Dalek and Borg forms are also out.
334. I will not pretend to be a Borg, even though our uniforms have some Borg properties.
335. I will not attempt to start the Department of Overkill, at least not without express approval from all Flowers, which is unlikely.
336. I will not import computer virii into the Matrix to try and crash it.
- Even if I hear it bluescreens very prettily.
337. I will not randomly unplug two wires in DoSAT, and then cross them.
338. Conversely, I will not tell Makes-Things that I crossed two wires when I in fact did not.
339. I will not ignore the "Spatial Rift: No entry" signs, no matter where they may appear.
340. I will not replace Sues' magic books with grimoires on how to summon big, angry demons, who would then rampage and destroy the town/city/school/wherever.
- Even if it's an extra-canonical location.
341. I will never challenge the locomotive for right-of-way in the halls.
342. I will not attempt to hurt myself in new and unusual ways to provoke a reaction out of Medical.
343. I will not attempt to make gunpowder in my response center.
- Or thermite.
- Or napalm.
344. I will never bring a live Sue to HQ for the purpose of "sharing the fun" with other agents.
- Though sometimes amusing, I will never light another agent on fire.
345. Termites. The Bonsai Mallorn. Just no.
346. I will not Imperius another agent into becoming a nothlit.
347. I will not stage anti-war protests in Minas Tirith.
- Nor on Deep Space Nine.
348. I will not get anyone onto Chrysoprase's bad side.
- Except for Mary Sues and Gary Stus.
349. I will not leave caltrops all over Dream Valley.
350. I will not get Makes-Things drunk.
- Some of those machines require an alert mind to operate them.
351. I will not go swimming in the Floating Hyacinth's tank.
352. On a related note, I will not skinny-dip in the Fountain of Bleepka.
- Or the HQ pool, if it exists.
353. I will not let a fantard into the presence of his/her Lust Object outside of an OFU.
354. I am not allowed to send a copy of the "50 Things I Am No Longer Allowed to Do at Hogwarts" list to any Hogwarts student or faculty member.
- Especially not to the Weasley twins.
- Sending a copy of Things SG Teams Are No Longer Allowed to Do to Jack O'Neil is equally prohibited.
- I may not send any form of any list of forbidden actions in any location to any canon character.
- Not even if that character is unlikely to spread it around or do anything on the list in question. The quiet ones are always the worst.
355. I will not portal a Zooanthrope agent into a double planet system at random.
- No, not even Wallace and Gromit-verse Kyniclanthropes.
356. I will not give Sirrus all the red pages or Achenar the blue.
- Nor will I give Esher the Tablet.
357. I will not use a CAD in That Series.
- Or "Ch* Ch*ng's D*sires."
358. I will never send anyone into a You!Fic without a YCD.
360. I will not try to rob Gringotts.
361. I will not give a mini to a G'home Gnome.
362. I will not portal anyone to Qrrbrbirlbel who hasn't had Kendallverse survival training.
363. I will not unleash macroviruses in HQ.
364. I will not use a Sun Crusher to threaten the Flowers.
- Or a Xindi Superweapon.