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Part XIII of the Things I Am Not Allowed to Do at the PPC List, comprising entries 1030-1060.

Originally posted to the PPC LJ Community, here, August 21, 2009.


1030. I will not try to punch out Cthulhu.

1031. I will not give anyone the H*stur-themed "Badger Song" parody to sing.

1032. I will not recruit the Crud Puppy.

1033. I will not make Yo Mama jokes at Spock.

1034. I will not task the Impossible Missions Force with unmasking Palpatine.

1035. I will not provoke a Dalek.

1036. Harrison Chase and Treebeard must never be allowed to meet.

- Rorschach and Treebeard must never be allowed to meet.

1037. Flowers are friends, not food.

1038. Agents are friends, not food.

1039. Sir Charles Grover and Ra's al-Ghul must never be allowed to meet.

1040. I will not pit Odin against Greyback to "see what happens."

- Nor will I pit Vidar against him.

1041. I will not turn the Doctor into an owl.

- His name isn't Who, anyway.

1042. I will not use information readily available in the Narutoverse in order to replace all the toilet paper in the agency with exploding notes.

- Nor will I replace the water in the water coolers with anything from any body of water which has the word "sorrow" or suchlike in its name.

1043. I am not allowed to take Pavel Chekov of the Star Trek reboot canon home and feed him stroganoff.

- No, not even if he IS the cutest thing in the known universe.

1044. I will not link Potterverse recruits to "My Immortal" or any Potterverse Legendary Badfics.

- No, not even if I think they'd be the right person to kill them.

1045. I will not send assassins after Peter Jackson.

- R.T.D is fair game, though.

- No he isn't.

- Yes he Glaurunging is.

- I may not go after R.T.D. Yes, he's a fangirl, but he doesn't actually write badfic.

1046. Being a vegetarian does not make "I was hungry" an acceptable excuse for taking a bite out of the SO.

1047. I may not go into Torchwood badfic and pull out a replacement-Jack!Sue or one of his immortal daughters when I want to use a moving target for target practice.

1048. I may not give my partner an acupuncture treatment if they have not explicitly asked for it.

- "She was just asking for it" is not explicitly asking for it.

1049. Knitting needles are not suitable acupuncture needles.

- Neither are embroidery needles.

1050. Daleks and Cylon Centurions should never meet. Never.

1051. I am not allowed to hack a holo-band (from Caprica) for my own nefarious purposes.

- Even if it's for the greater good.

1052. I am not allowed to ram giant phallus-like ships into HQ.

- Especially the Galactica.

- Even if Bill Adama did it first.

1053. I am not allowed to make Yo Mama jokes in the Bible-verse.

1054. I will not follow Agents Eledhwen Elerossiel and Christianne Shieh around playing "All Along the Watchtower."

1055. The Flowers must never meet the talking flowers from Alice in Wonderland.

1056. I will not go around labeling everything with "Eat Me" or "Drink Me."

- Especially if they're inedible.

1057. Molly Rath must never be introduced to Fagin's gang. In no incarnation of Oliver Twist has disembowelment been used as a distraction technique, and they should not be encouraged to start.

- Molly Rath CERTAINLY should not be introduced to the characters of any book or television show aimed at small children. We all hate the Teletubbies, but having someone eat the Teletubbyland rabbits will not make it better.

1058. You will not attempt to propitiate or appease the Ironic Overpower through libations, sacrifices, or any type of religious offering.

1059. Zaraki Kenpachi is not to be given a chainsword.

- Or a chainaxe.

- Or any kind of powered weapon.

- Keep them away from Yachiru as well.

- In fact, Warhammer 40K weapons and Bleach characters are never to be mixed. Ever.

1060. I will not give Ozymandias a Death Note.

- Nor Darth Caedus.

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