Part XVI of the Things I Am Not Allowed to Do at the PPC List, comprising entries 1122-1167.
Cross-posted from the Board on November 14, 2010.
1122. Under no circumstances is Dezono Qua to be allowed near any module of the Nursery.
1123. I will not open a portal to another time in HQ.
1124. I will not place open Linking Books at inconvenient locations.
1125. Under no circumstances are cuttings of the Whoniverse Weed Creature to be brought into HQ.
- Krynoid seed pods are right out.
1126. I will not haze anyone with Igor Olman's Kim Possible badfic.
1127. I will not have a Ghostling dress up as Krazy Kat and then arrange a meeting with Ignatz.
1128. I will not tell anyone who is not a Sue to go into the Mended Drum and call themself "The Invulnerable."
1129. I will not give Ace a hard time about her height.
- Remember what happened to the last person to do that.
1130. I will not assassinate Edward Cullen and Bella Swan.
- Even if they are urple and charge-worthy.
1131. I will not refer to interns as "furniture."
- Or "decoys."
- Or "test subjects," unless said interns work in DoSAT or DMSE&R.
1132. I will not tell any of the AI agents to open the pod bay doors.
- I will also not ask them for cake.
1133. I will not ask people if they are on Team Jacob or Team Edward.
1134. I will not use my CAD to crush spiders.
1135. I will not set up a tent by the Fountain of Bleepka and claim that I am on a camping trip.
1136. I will not blame everything on Luxury.
- Unless it actually is her fault.
1137. I will not yell "double rainbow" when I see a portal.
- The same goes for monolith travel.
1138. I will not attempt to distract the SO with a flashlight.
1139. I will not refer to the late Makes-Things as "that one Q guy."
1140. I will not order pizza from Torgo.
- This also applies to Ortega and catering.
1141. I will not put an MST3K Observer and a Mind Flayer in a room together "just to see what happens."
1142. I will not put Giratina in an Escher Room.
1143. Don't surprise and/or tease mini-Unas with rubber snakes. It won't go well.
1144. I will not switch out any vampire agent's Water for real blood, especially if they've sworn it off for whatever reason.
1145. Asking if Agents Mal of the DBS and Captain Mal of Firefly fame were fraternal twins separated at birth will not go over well.
- Even if Agents Mal do tend to wear all brown.
- It's a Tok'ra thing. Don't ask.
1146. I will not hide in the background and hum main characters' theme songs during important scenes in which they appear.
- Nor will I quietly sing songs from musicals during the scenes in which they would appear in the non-musical adaptations of the same continuum.
1147. I will not portal into video games and attempt to beat the main characters' high scores at mini-games.
1148. I will not portal Agent Luxury and a demon from All-world into the same room to see who would "win."
- I will not cause other agents brain damage by making them think about what "winning" would entail in this situation.
- Or making them think about the situation at all.
1149. I will not portal to the Haunted Mansion for the express purpose of getting a Hitchhiking Ghost to follow me home.
1150. MSTed fanfics to the contrary, Murdoc Niccals, despite being a cartoon character, does not have Malletspace, and I am not to encourage him to believe that he does.
- In fact, it's a bad idea to encourage anyone to believe they have Malletspace, unless they're supposed to.
- It's also a bad idea to encourage people to believe they can produce large objects from other people's orifices.
- Especially if that involves putting said objects there beforehand.
1151. Characters who know of the PPC are not to have their memories of Molly Rath or Luxury erased. It's cruel to make anyone meet Molly or Lux for the first time more than once.
1152. I will not encourage people unfamiliar with the foodstuffs in question to consume Soylent Green, Mrs. Lovett's pies, Popplers, or Slurm, without telling them what said foodstuffs are made of beforehand.
1153. Confetti cannons filled with glitter? Very Bad Idea.
- Confetti cannons filled with sugar? Also not a good idea.
- Confetti cannons filled with anything but confetti are not a good idea.
- Confetti cannons are, in fact, not a good idea whatever they contain.
1154. Keep any and all characters from musical continua out of the Spellsinger-verse, please. Thank you.
1155. A celebrity's public persona, no matter how inaccurate or Suvian, is not a fictional character. So stop trying to assassinate Taylor Swift.
- Also, the Bad Slash agent attempting to exorcise any celebrities appearing in the gossip columns will be punished.
1156. "My Immortal" is a better song than it is a fic. But still, blasting it regularly is unlikely to lead to anything good.
- Whoever found the dance remix, STOPPIT.
1157. I shall not spend days thinking of a proper speech so I can feel just as epic as Barid starting the food fight.
1158. I shall not under any circumstances start a food fight, speech or not.
1159. I shall not under any circumstances promote a food fight.
1160. I shall not under any circumstances point my CAD at Bella Swan to see what interesting smells it gives out when it explodes.
1161. I shall not point out to our minority group of Twilighters that Bella Swan's initials are... well, you know.
1162. I will not in any way mention the C-word during normal Board discussions, for fear of resurrecting potentially scarring memories. *too late*
1163. I will not give copies of Twilight or any of its sequels to vampire characters in more "gritty" settings.
- Especially not Alucard in the Hellsing manga or OVA.
- Even more especially if I include a map.
- And a conveniently placed portal.
- And a handwritten note, detailing exactly how to bypass the cast's fortune-telling early warning system.
- And another SR-71 Blackbird.
- In fact, I'm not allowed to open/enter portals to Hellsing in general.
1164. No matter what continuum I claim to be from, a black cloak and Guy Fawkes mask is never acceptable formal-wear.
1165. The "Forget-me-stick" is not an acceptable replacement for my neuralyzer.
1166. I am not allowed to kill off RPG warrior Stus by dropping them off in "Tucker's Kobolds."
1167. I am no longer allowed to requisition/fire/obtain/touch the following weapons without express written permission of at least three more senior PPC agents: void grenade, harkannon, minigun, sack full of adamantium power doorknobs, dobie-o-matic, wave motion gun.