Part XVIII of the Things I Am Not Allowed to Do at the PPC List, comprising entries 1220-1259.
Cross-posted from the Board on May 23, 2011.
1220. Under no circumstances is any mind-altering creature to be exported from its native continuum.
1221. I will not portal the Bahro Nekisahl anywhere outside Mystverse.
- Nor will I put one on.
1223. I will not make a Horcrux.
1224. I will not take the Portal Gun out of the Portalverse.
- Nor will I use it to play pranks on my fellow agents.
- Especially if said pranks involve infinite portal loops.
- Not even if you promise them cake if they jump through the portal?
1225. I will not flood the halls of PPC HQ with Tang.
- Nor will I play "Komm, Susser Tod" over the HQ speaker system.
- I am also expressly forbidden from removing any LCL from the Evangelion universe.
- Even for experimentation.
- Especially if said experimentation involves the Cafeteria.
1226. I will not knock the Bronies, for they are far more numerous than I might think.
- On that subject, making "Twilight Sparkle" jokes in front of Agent Caleb does not make me witty or clever, nor is it beneficial to my health. If I'm going to rib him about that, I will at least make an attempt to be original.
1227. I will not give coffee to Agent Jack.
- This has never been done before, but I'm sure that Agent Caleb will never forgive me for it.
1228. I will not give ...slayer to Noodle.
- Even if that would be incredibly awesome.
1230. I will not attempt to charge Alex Mercer of being a Stu.
- Even if he is one.
- Besides, he'd just kill me and absorb my body and my memories, and then Alex Mercer would know about the PPC.
1231. I will not invite GLaDOS in HQ. While her cakes are probably better than the Cafeteria's, she will kill all of us before we even see them. For Science.
- GLaDOS and SHODAN should never meet. Ever. Should I break this rule I'm responsible for dealing with the inevitable killbots they make.
1232. I will not feed the interns to trolls.
- Claiming that you are "training" the interns is not an excuse.
- This also includes Internet trolls.
1233. Mini-nuke launchers are not the answer to everything.
1234. I am not the deadliest SOB in space and will not claim such to other agents.
1235. I am not vengeance.
- I am not the night.
- I am not Batman.
- I am also not Superman.
1236. I will not ask Agent Xericka to "have a heart."
- Or if she has "heartburn."
- Or any manner of heart-related jibes.
1236. If I am in a canon where spontaneous and synchronized song and dance is a regular occurrence, I may not change the canon music to something I like better.
- No, not even if it my partner agrees.
- It doesn't matter how funny their faces would be.
- Should I disregard this, I am not required to be reminded that the following are a shooting offense: "Numa Numa," "Nyan Cat," anything to do with vuvuzelas, "Caramelldansen."
- If I should Rick Roll them, I will accept any punishment given.
- If I should put the canons up to the daunting task of trying to recreate "Thriller" or "Smooth Criminal," I had better hope they do it well.
1237. I will not take Mjolnir from the Thorverse. No, not even to slay a Sue. I do not want to find out what might happen if the hammer judged me unworthy, and the Flowers don't want to find out what would happen if the hammer judged me worthy.
1238. I will not steal any of Tony Stark's spare suits of Iron Man armor, no matter how shiny they are. Remember, you can't spell "superpowerful maniacal villain" without "PPC." (Yes, we're stretching. Bear with us here.)
1239. I will not wear anything strappy and black, or shiny and purple, around Agent Ithalond. The meltdowns are just getting too embarrassing, and FicPsych has enough work as it is.
1240. I will not tell either Nurse Jenni or (should she come back from the dead/exile) Agent Cameo where Nume is currently hiding. It would be hilarious, but Nume would sulk.
- Even if Jenni will find out eventually anyway.
- Wait, who is this "Agent Cameo"? I don't remember her.
1241. I will not ask Deadpool, even in jest, about what he thought of his appearance in Wolverine: Origins. Considering how genre-savvy he is, he might actually have an answer. Then he'd kill me.
1242. Under no circumstances should Nurse Jenni be allowed in the Doctor Who continuum. We would never get her back out again and it would ruin the franchise forever.
1244. I will not attack a canon character who canonically harms my Lust Object.
- Especially if my Lust Object is technically on the "bad" side, here defined as "the side that is trying to kill the protagonist and friends."
1245. Mini-Tribbles and Klingon agents should not be in the same room together.
1246. The song "Friday" is not to be used against Stus or Sues. We have standards.
1248. I will not introduce the Flowers to Poison Ivy.
1249. I will not cast Petrificus Totalus on Mary Sues and use them as blunt weapons.
- Unless I really, really need to.
1250. I will not visit Medical in the hopes of convincing characters from `80s sitcoms to say their catchphrases for me.
- Or characters from any sitcom.
- I generally won't pester characters to repeat catchphrases while they're healing.
1251. I will not sneak up behind Agent Orken and hold an open jar to his ear. It’s just not polite.
- Nor will I lurk anywhere near Agent Cadmar.
1252. I will not disguise myself as Slenderman and stand just off-camera whenever any characters are trying to record something.
- Nor will I ask to be in their film.
- Nor will I ask for twenty dollars.
1253. I am not to persuade nonhuman agents to perform painful and/or embarrassing actions under the guise of Real World "rites of passage."
1254. Even if nonhuman characters are either adorable or hideous by human standards, I am not to tell them this to their faces.
1255. SCP objects do not belong in HQ.
- Nor do HQ dwellers belong in the SCP buildings.
- Attempting to bring SCP items into HQ could result in [DATA EXPUNGED], including a violent [REDACTED] of urple- and bleen-flavored jelly.
1257. I will stop making "Orkin Maaaaaaan" jokes in front of Agent Orken. Seriously, that gets old after a while.
1258. I will not travel to AU versions of my canon of origin and bring back my AU copies to flood HQ with an army of clones.
- Even if we make the best rock band ever.
1259. I will not feature Agent July and Agent JulyFlame on the cover of Sexy Twins Magazine.