Part XX of the Things I Am Not Allowed to Do at the PPC List, comprising entries 1322-1377.
Cross-posted from the Board on November 12, 2011.
1322. I will not give Daleks a Death Star.
- Giving them a Sun Crusher is right out.
1323. I will not attempt to grow my own Cauldron-Born.
1324. I will not forge threatening letters supposedly from the Venomous Tentacula.
1325. If I write a Linking Book for World One's Venus, it will be for executing a Sue/Stu/Ooh. Not for carelessly leaving around.
1326. A Talking Mugato is not a suitable disguise for Narnia.
1327. No, I am not allowed to dump Bella Swan into the realm of Aukon, Camilla, and Zargo.
- Nor may I dump her into Castle Dracula.
- Dumping her on the Ringworld is right out.
- Hellsing is doubly so.
1328. I may not recruit Douchey McNitpick.
1329. If I am on a Whoniverse mission, I will not bait the Megara. Really, it's a Very Bad Idea.
1330. I am not allowed to contact Smith & Smith, Removals for an assassination.
1331. I will never ever give Agent Kirill a mana-producing trinket. This will not end good.
1332. I will not try and build my own Cybermen from tin foil and paper plates.
1333. I will not sing to mini-Darkspawn.
- I will not start a mini-Blight.
1334. I am not allowed to discuss Chris Metzen with agents from Azeroth.
1335. I am not allowed to give interns a 10-foot pole, a copy of Dungeons & Dragons 1st edition The Temple of Elemental Evil, and let them get ideas.
- "Checking for traps" does not include people, either.
1336. You are not allowed to put mini thermal detonators in DoSAT's gadgets. We have an image to maintain.
1337. Lyrium is not allowed in the Harry Potter universe.
1338. [0un73r57r1|<3 15 n07 4n 4[[3p74813 p14[3 70 134rn 7yp157 5|<1LLz. (Counterstrike is not an acceptable place to learn typing skillz.)
1339. I will not take a magic Xbox/PS3/Wii/whatever-other-consoles-that-exist as loot.
1340. I will not drink ryncol.
1341: 1 W1LL NOT WR1T3 4NY HOM3STUCK M1SS1ONS 1N T3R3Z1S TYP1NG QU1RK.
- NoR wIlL i WrItE tHeM iN GaMzEe'S.
- Or 2ollux's becau2e that'2 al2o two annoyiing two u2e.
- Or eeeeeeeeven like Vr8ska.
- I will not write any missions in ANY sort of typing quirk.
1342. I will not throw Luxury at Agent Fix. That will not end well.
1343. I am not allowed to show the Carver a knife, throw it in the other direction and tell her to "go fetch."
1344. I will not show badfic to Gaius.
1345. Pixel ponies are not to be tormented.
1346. Neuralyzers are not toys.
1347. Under no circumstances am I allowed to keep a Fat Man as loot.
- A Death Note is right out.
1348. I must stop shouting "Just who the hell do you think I am!?" out of canon.
- Nobody cares.
- Especially not the Flowers.
1349. Neuralyzers are not toys.
1350. I will not tickle a sleeping dragon.
- Nor would I encourage the recruits to tickle said sleeping dragon.
- Same for golems and other magical monsters.
- Chtulhu is right out.
- In fact, any sleeping creature strong enough to rip me into shreds with ease is to be left alone.
1351. I will not blurt out "I'm Samus!" whenever I push someone from behind.
1352 Inflammable means flammable. It does not mean "Drink Me."
1353. If an execution method involves a ferret, a pickaxe, and a small volume of poetry, it is best left to experts.
1354. The SO's office supplies are not edible.
1355. It is not funny to "MISTAKE" inflammable things for fertilizer.
1356. Minis are not to be given power tools.
1357. Or flamethrowers. (Honestly, people! This is a BIGGIE!)
1358. The "Exploding Stapler" incident is never to be brought up within the Marquis De Sod's hearing. EVER.
1359. If I am going to die on a mission, my last words will not be "Hastur Hastur Hastur."
- Nor can I use the Anti-life Equation.
- Nor can I say "Zxkuqyb."
- Nor "Zeeky Boogy Doog."
1360. I will not portal Gollum to Marlin's anemone.
1361. I will NOT make Divine Comedy jokes around Badtail.
1362. Bringing Russia of Hetalia into close contact with the SO is not a good idea
1363. I will not sing "Maria" from The Sound of Music anywhere near Shadow the Hedgehog.
- Nor will I sing "Maria" from West Side Story. Shadow angsts over Maria enough without her getting turned into a Lust Object.
- I will definitely refrain from singing "The Hedgehog Song" anywhere near Shadow the Hedgehog.
- I will also not cite that episode from The Twilight Zone about the man-"serving" aliens.
1364. Shipping an 8-year-old is rather creepy. Especially with a 6-year-old. ESPECIALLY when one's a fox and the other's a rabbit.
1365. I will not tell Knuckles the Echidna about the white-nose syndrome.
- I am also not to actually give Knuckles a sample of the fungus responsible for it.
- Whatever I do, I am absolutely not to tell Knuckles to smear the fungus on the Master Emerald to keep bats away.
- If I do, I will have to foot the bill once Rouge the Bat winds up in the Medical Department with deadly mind-controlling fungal spores infesting her body.
- I will also have nobody to blame but myself for whatever Shadow the Hedgehog does to me when he finds out.
- If I introduce a sample of said fungus to the Flowers, I deserve whatever horrible things they do to me.
- Bringing the fungus into the Stellaluna continuum (or any continuum that is primarily populated by bats) will most likely get me decommissioned.
- Though, if I want to use white-nose syndrome to get rid of Dopplegänger!Rouges or other Mary Sue bats, I can go right ahead. It's not like the PPC hasn't done worse things to Mary Sues already.
- If I do so, I must keep the infection contained so that it only affects the bats that the PPC actually wants dead.
- Exposing chiopterate agents to the fungus is an especially bad idea.
- Batman is not actually a bat, and so will probably not be affected by the fungus. I still shouldn't attempt to expose him to it.
1366. I will not portal Shadow the Hedgehog into "My Immortal" just to see what happens.
- Or for any reason whatsoever.
- Nor will I set up a cage match between Shadow and Sephiroth.
- Or between Shadow and any other characters commonly considered to be "emo" (regardless of whether or not they actually are).
- In fact, I will not set up emo cage matches, period.
- Especially not in the presence of fanbrats. That's just asking for trouble.
1367. I will not arrange a meeting between Makes-Things and Dr. Robotnik. There's no way it could end well.
1368. I will not portal Dr. Robotnik into the Star Fox universe. Nor will I portal Andross into the Sonic the Hedgehog universe.
- Portaling Tails onto Venom or Krystal into the Death Egg is strictly forbidden.
- Actually, the PPC should REALLY be keeping a close eye on ANY crossovers that involve mad scientists meeting up. Those sorts of things could get very ugly, very fast.
1369. For the love of Glod, I must not attempt to ship Tails with any of the Flowers. Seedrians are something completely different, even if the Seedrians are also sentient plants.
- I must also not attempt to ship Tails with an Entwife. Nobody wants to think about the ramifications of that.
- Shipping Flowers with Entwives (or Ents) is also a no-no.
- Shipping Tails with Molly Rath will only get him maimed. And then Sonic will kill me.
- Tails + Redneck Trees = trip to FicPsych.
- Introducing the Flowers to the Redneck Trees will only get me assigned to a NSFB fic without any Bleeproducts.
1370. Not allowed to recreate any scenarios from the list of Things Mr. Welch Is No Longer Allowed to Do in an RPG.
1371. I must not sic Dark-type Pokémon on the Flowers.
- Or Fire-type Pokémon.
- Or Flying-type Pokémon.
- No Ice-type Pokémon either.
- Bug-types are right out.
- No siccing Pokémon on the Flowers, period.
1372. I should not attempt to use Technical Machines on the Flowers.
- No, not even if they actually want to know Giga Drain or Solarbeam. They torture the agents extensively enough as is.
1373. I should also not attempt to use evolutionary stones on the Flowers.
1374. Tails is not a pre-evolved form of Vulpix. I must not convince Team Rocket that he is.
1375. Agent Luxury + Gardevoir = a trip to the Fountain of Bleepka for everyone.
1376. No singing "Stacey's Mom" around Cream or Vanilla.
- Especially if Vector is nearby.
1377. A word cyclone is not an effective assassination method. Mary Sues tend to be blissfully unaware of (and therefore immune to) the detrimental effects that they have on the canon.